I went to sleep that night never realizing when I woke up my life would forever be missing something. I woke up to the noise of men talking. I was scared that someone was in the house. I went to see what was going on. I saw my nana and mom crying. I saw medics come in the door. Chaos. I was told to go back to my room. I remember holding on to my dog crying. My nana finally came to get me and told me my dad had had a hard time breathing. They were rushing him to the hospital. I knew from her tears it was pretty …show more content…
I trust in God and know everything leads to a lesson to be learned. My biggest lesson thus far is never going a day without saying I love you to those you care for. I didn’t say it to my dad that night and now I’ll never get to say it and hear it back. I think that haunts me the most because my dad was not very vocal to show his love. I really wish our last conversation was overflowing with verbal love but I am pretty sure it was a disagreement. Now I say I love you to my family every night. I also say it until they say it back. I even bug other people about doing this. I remember being at a local high school game and a girl’s dad had brought her money or something. He told his daughter to give him a hug and she was embarrassed in front of her friends. “Hug him and say I love you.” I told her. She just gave me this look of annoyance. “Just do it.” I said. She went on to do what I said to. “My dad died a few years ago and I didn’t say I love you that night.” Both her and her dad wrapped me in a hug. We are not garroted tomorrow. I try to live every day like it’s my last. I don’t deny myself the pleasure of life. Yeah that What-A-Burger is not the best for me but I want …show more content…
I became even more isolated. The bullying stopped so that was a plus side. Everyone treated me better and to some length I got special treatment in school. It took me a few years to see that. For example, I made All County Chorus that year. I know I was only giving that spot out of pity. I didn’t audition nor was I a great singer. The downfall included many men that I either talked to or actually dated. I know now that psychological it was because I was looking for that feeling of love and safety from a male figure. To this day I struggle with that even with another father figure in my life. Last year on a beautiful June afternoon I was baptized in Lake Norman. After years of feeling very alone and broken from my circumstances I found hope. I can never explain to a non-believe what kind of feeling you get when you accept God as your number 1. So many good things have come from that day. I took a leap of faith and went to Montana State University last fall. Even though as a whole my experience there was not the best, I gained the community I was looking for. I met an amazing group of people that were my age group, children of God, loved and accept me as the working progress I am, and healed some wounds left by others. I know some of these people are lifelong friends and I only knew them 6 months before I left. I came home and have now realized I want to live in NC when I or my husband and I decide to put our roots somewhere. I again was