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72 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
Mindful listening
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you put thought and energy into listening
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Mindless listening
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where you react routinely and in a stock manner without putting too much mental energy into listening
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Reasons why we don't listen well
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-message overload
-preoccupation -rapid thought -hard work -distractions -faulty assumptions -lack of apparent advantages -not everyone is a good listener -physical limitations |
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Pseudo listening
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faking it
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Stage hogging
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let me tell you about (me)
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selective listening
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time in when interested
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insulated listening
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tune out when not interested
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defensive listening
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the other persons attacking me
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ambushing
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attacking and not listening, trying to catch a lie
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insensitive listening
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not caring what other person says
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How to listen better
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-talk less
-minimize distractions and interference -try to withhold judgment -listen for key ideas |
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Prompting (responsive styles in listening)
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trying to draw out more info from the sender maybe saying things like "uh-huh"
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Questioning (responsive styles in listening)
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trying to draw out more info by using actual questions like "so how did she react when you told her that?"
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Sincere questions
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aimed at understanding others
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counterfeit questions
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aimed at sending a message, not receiving one
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paraphrasing
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statements that reword the listeners interpretation of a message
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How to paraphrase
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restate the other persons word in your own words
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Supporting
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reveals a listeners solidarity with the speakers situation
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active support
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where you say words to the sender that show your backing them in some way
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passive support
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avoiding criticism or avoiding giving them your advice
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analyzing
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helping the other person see issues in new ways, or from new productive points of view
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advising
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giving advice
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When to give advice
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-if the advice is needed
-if the advice is wanted -if the advice is given in the right sequence -coming from an expert -trusted person -offered in a sensitive manner |
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judging
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right/ wrong, good/ bad.
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How to tell what kind of listening you should be doing
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-gender
-situation -who other person is/ relationship -your personal style |
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Language is
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-symbolic
-tied to culture (not universal) - arbitrary -rule governed (learning) |
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equivocal language
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words or phrases that have several meanings ex. a sign that says "slow children"
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relative words/relative language
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gained by comparison ex. how long is a little while
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static evaluation
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talking about somebody as if the person never changed, as if that's who they were/ are all of the time. ex. trisha is crabby
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abstract language vs. concrete language
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abstract means bug and vague and broad ex. I have a pet. concrete means specific ex. I have a three year old brown eyed 65 pound springer names Dudley
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denotations
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dictionary definition
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conotations
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what the word means to you
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convergence
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when a sender uses language in a manner that helps fit in better
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divergence
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the sender uses language that is different in style or substance than listeners
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powerless speech
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ineffective and not straight to the point ex. using filler words
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inference
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something you suspect
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emotive language
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JUDGEMENT. when you seem to be describing someone but you are really judging them, this is likely to be emotive language.
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I language
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clearly identifies the speaker as the source of the message. Takes responsibility for my own actions
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you language
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expresses a judgment of the other person. blames or shames/ YOUR fault
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I language includes
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-description of behavior
-interpretation of behavior -feeling statement ( how I am feeling) -consequence (how their behavior effected me) |
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why don't people use I language
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-too angry
-other person still gets defensive - comes off as artificial |
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goals of I language
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-I am responsible for my own actions
-move away from blame -minimize defensiveness -deliver more info |
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advantages of I language
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-more complete
-less defensiveness -honest |
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challenges of I language
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-too angry to use it
-phony -others still get defensive |
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abstraction ladder
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(more abstract) need to have a better attitude-> you need to be more positive->you need to complain less-> you need to complain less about working hard-> you need to complain less about working overtime on weekends (more specific)
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behavioral language
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refers to specific things that people say or do
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Nonverbal Communication can be
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intention and unintentional as it can be conscious and unconscious
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repeating (what functions nonverbal comm. serves)
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the same message is sent verbally and nonverbally.
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complementing
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this means that I would need to pay attention to both your verbal and nonverbal behavior to get the complete message. cant just pay attention to one
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substituting
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substitute a nonverbal message instead of words. ex. waiter asks how food is and your mouth is full. give a thumbs up
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accenting
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putting more emphasis on certain words. you might do this with tone of voice
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regulating
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when you talk face to face you constantly watch each others nonverbal communication for cues about the conversation
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contradicting
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this happens when two messages from the same source send opposing messages like when someone screams loudly "im not angry"
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nonverbal communication can...
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reveal deception
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nonverbal communication is..
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ambiguous
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what falls into the category of nonverbal communication
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-body movement, orientation, posture, and gestures
-face and eyes voice, paralanguage -touch -appearance, appearance related issues physical space and objects in that space(proxemics) |
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proxemics
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things like size of rooms, the colors, the placement of furniture, the "flow" from one living space to another
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adaptors
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unconscious bodily movements in response to the enviornment
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bodily orientation
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the degree to which we face toward or away from someone with our body
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chronemics
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describes the study od how humans use structure time
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emblems
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deliberate nonverbal behaviors that have a precise meaning and are known virtually everywhere within cultural groups
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haptics
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describe the study of touch
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illustrators
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movements that accompany speech but don't stand on their own
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intimate distance
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used with people who are emotionally the closest to us
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kinesics
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body position and emotion
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leakage
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inadvertent signals of deception
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manipulators
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self touching behaviors
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paralanguage
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nonverbal vocal messages
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personal distance
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18 inches at its closest point to 4 feet at its farthest
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public distance
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running outward from 12 feet
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social distance
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4 feet to 12 feet
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territory
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stationary
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